Only One Step
by Lhaewin
Summary: Faramir´s life with Eowyn is idyllic on the surface, but beneath lie doubts and insecurities which threaten their happiness and Faramir´s sanity and life.
1. Default Chapter

Thanks to Rosie26, she was very helpful again and never complained of my numerous questions.

I still don´t own Tolkien´s characters and I promise to take care of them.

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_Only One Step_

Faramir stood on top of the wall of the highest level in the White City, looking to the horizon, where the first sunbeams emerged after a long and dark night. He was completely lost in thought... only one step...

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His mother died when he was five years old. He missed her so much and went clandestinely to her grave as often as he could. Clandestinely? Yes, his father detested any sign of weakness shown by a steward´s son. Even on the tenth anniversary of her passing he wasn´t allowed to go, but did so nonetheless and was caught. From that day his father locked the gate of the tomb and opened it only three times a year: on the occasion of his own and his two sons´ birthdays.

There were only few who really cared for Faramir: His older brother, Boromir, who was protector, friend and surrogate father in one person, had so often comforted the little boy, when he had been ignored, or even worse, denigrated by their father. Denethor never acknowledged his second born´s qualities, never trusted him with more important tasks than fetching letters within the walls of Minas Tirith yet constantly – and unjustly – finding fault with even those simple duties.

And there was Mithrandir, the wizard: He realised very early how talented and interested the boy was in skills such as writing poems, composing songs and performing them himself on instruments like the harp or the flute. Faramir had a fabulous memory for all kind of historic facts, and was interested in law studies and sciences, but the times were not suitable for a scholar. With the constant threat of Sauron and his allies, military skills were those demanded of the Steward´s son. The lessons that Faramir loved were cut down and finally forbidden.

Faramir tried hard to learn sword fighting and other vital abilities, but except in archery he could never even approach Boromir´s level. He had remarkable strategic talents and he was able to develop cunning and effective plans to defeat the enemy without endangering more soldiers than necessary – but who would have listened to a 14 year old boy?

Finally he joined Gondor´s army. Boromir defended Osgiliath successfully but had to leave Gondor, being summoned to a secret council in Rivendell - Faramir never forgot the day of his parting: They had their last breakfast together. "I wish I could go with you," Faramir said. "It is a long and dangerous journey, I fear for you because you must go alone in these dark times."

"Yes, little brother, I would appreciate your going with me, for we have always enjoyed each other´s company and relied on each other when necessary. But you see, someone must hold Osgiliath and you are the right person to do this. I will come back as soon as possible. Take care, little one." With these words Boromir arose, hugged his brother for the last time and left the room.

And indeed, it was the very last time they saw and hugged each other, for Boromir never returned to Minas Tirith. Faramir never overcame the loss of his brother.

When he met the Ringbearer and his companion, he cared not that he broke his father´s law in releasing them. A death sentence didn´t scare him. He wasn´t even surprised at being called disloyal. To hear that his father would have preferred that his and Boromir´s places had been exchanged, hurt him so deeply that he didn´t even mind the suicide charge his father ordered – his own life was unimportant, for he had lost everything worth living for. But for the soldiers, who had to accompany him, he grieved deeply and was at the same time angered because of that injustice. Most of them had a family - parents, a wife, children. He couldn´t forgive his father for being prepared to sacrifice their lives so recklessly for an impossible task. When the first arrow hit him in the chest, he actually felt relief instead of the expected pain. Relief and the anticipation of a better life after death, hopefully side by side with Boromir.

It was an incredible nightmare when he opened his eyes again; he could barely see what was going on for he was surrounded by flames, heat and steam, unable to move. He watched his father setting himself on fire and dying having obviously lost his sanity. He wouldn´t have believed that this had really happened, had he not suffered some burns himself, which healed eventuallly, but although there were no physical scars, on his heart they were engraved like a brand, for Faramir was pursued night and day by the image of his father´s face as he called out his name before his cruel death.

During this awful time his whole being suffered pure physical and emotional pain, and he was glad for every single moment of his unconsciousness. He did not fight for his life at all - more than willing to give in to his injuries, but thanks to the healing skills of his King he survived. He was a remarkable man, this Aragorn, who spent as much time at Faramir´s bedside as he could spare. They talked a lot when Faramir´s health slowly mended and they became quite close friends, the King of Gondor and his Steward.

When he was allowed to get up, he met the beautiful Rohan Princess, Eowyn, who also was in the care of Aragorn. He had been told of her heroic deed in killing the Witchking of Angmar and that she nearly paid with her life. They fell in love and for the first time Faramir made sense of his still being alive. Later they married and lived happily together, except for the rumours.......Those rumours concerning his wife and the King, and which were never completely quelled.

When he asked Eowyn about them, she frankly admitted that she once had thought herself to be in love with Aragorn, but this had turned out to be an illusion, for she saw in him a hero, who had succeeded in battles she was never allowed to participate in because she was a woman. Faramir tried hard to rid himself of the tiny suspicion remaining in his mind but he couldn´t prevent the pain like needle-pricks in his heart, when he saw his wife and his King talking to each other.

Then last evening, on the occasion of the King´s birthday party, Eowyn gave Aragorn their present and she smiled at him during their conversation. A smile which appeared to be so loving that Faramir could hardly veil his jealousy and he felt the familiar and nearly forgotten feeling of being the second best rising again.

In the night Faramir could barely sleep. Dawn was already breaking when he heard Eowyn calling out in her sleep: "Aragorn, no, don´t go!" Faramir immediately got out of his bed and left the house.

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Only one step......without hesitation he stepped forward to do what he should have done long ago....


	2. Eowyn´s Fight

The more I write the more I wish the characters belonged to me! Thanks for the encouraging reviews!

Thanks to Rosie26 again for her patience and support.

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_Eowyn´s Fight_

Eowyn started from her dreams with a little cry. Drowsily she turned round to see if her husband was still asleep and she realised that he wasn´t in their bed, although the sheets were still warm. She did not at first wonder where he was, as he frequently got up in the night to take a sip of water, for his sleep was often fitful.

She remembered the last evening, when they were celebrating Aragorn´s birthday. Although he was the King of Gondor, she still called him by his name instead of his title, as they were companions of old, which was perhaps the reason why the people didn´t stop gossiping about a supposed affair between the two of them. Neither the King nor she cared about it, but Eowyn knew that Faramir suffered from the hidden insinuations he sometimes overheard.

This was the only shadow to disturb their love. She saw the doubt in Faramir´s eyes when he watched her each time she was talking to Aragorn, although there was no reason for him to be suspicious. When Faramir had asked her about her former relationship with the King, she had told him honestly about her infatuation and also that she had finally realised that she had always dreamt of something, which she now knew Aragorn would never have been able to give her and which she had eventually found in Faramir´s serious but yet gentle nature.

When she handed the King the present from herself and Faramir, he said, "You and Faramir are looking so happy tonight, Eowyn." "Indeed", she replied, "I am really blissful that we found each other, it is like a dream." With these words she smiled happily at the King and went back to Faramir, who seemed not to have witnessed this scene, although he was quite silent for the rest of the evening.

In fact she had never been as happy as during the last months – since her wedding to Faramir. He was a husband as passionate and loving as she had ever dared to dream of, but sometimes he tended to be depressive - this was no surprise to her after all he had suffered. Although he didn´t talk much about his grief, she always realised when he was being plagued by the demons of the past – he had nightmares and awoke with tears on his face, which he hastily wiped away, for he did not want to worry her and was as tender as ever.

Eowyn suddenly remembered her latest dream and she shivered. She had to cope with dark memories too – fortunately nightmares didn´t occur often, but this had been a bad one, and suddenly a voice within her head told her to look for Faramir and she ran outside.

The night was nearly over, she could see dawn breaking on the horizon and sunrise was close at hand. She looked around but the street was empty. Where could he have gone? Then she remembered that he loved to go to the highest level to sit under the boughs of the White Tree, where somehow he always found comfort. The night was chilly but she did not care that she only wore her gown, as she hurried to the top level. When Eowyn reached the court, she expected to find her husband there, but he was not. She looked around, unexplained fear gripping her heart.

When she finally saw him, her blood seemed to freeze in her veins. She saw his familiar silhouette on top of the wall and at that very moment he stepped forward.

"Faramir!" she cried out and dashed to the wall. He started and turned round to her and she knew she would never forget the expression on his face: His spirit already seemed to have passed into another world, his gaze was clear but not focussed on her or anything special in the surroundings. Eowyn ran to him and grasped his hand, feeling helpless with no clue what to do next.

"What are you doing?" she called out. "Don´t leave me!" and desperately kissed his cold and almost lifeless fingers. She began to cry, but he did not even react to her hot tears falling onto his hand but just turned round again.

Suddenly Eowyn regained her strength-of-mind and her will to fight. She moved in front of Faramir onto the very edge of the wall and said loudly: "If you want to die now, you have to take me with you!"

Faramir did not move as Eowyn lifted her right hand and laid it against his cheek as she stood waiting patiently, hoping that somehow she could penetrate his subconscious. Her heart was beating so loudly that she thought he must surely hear it, then slowly, he lowered his gaze from somewhere on the horizon to her face. Recognition flickered in his eyes and he hesitantly came back into the real world. "Eowyn", he said, "what are you doing here?"

She started to sob and embraced him affectionately and together they descended from the wall and walked to the White Tree, where they sat down and leant against its trunk. "Why did you want to do that?" Eowyn asked.

"I am not the man you originally wanted and I will never be good enough for you." Faramir answered, "I´d rather die than face the truth for the rest of my life that in your eyes also I am second best."

"Faramir! You are my only true love!" Eowyn shouted, "my heart nearly broke, when I saw you standing there – only one step from the abyss. Please, believe me, I have never loved any other man the way I love you and I swear that I will never let you down."

"I witnessed your dream", Faramir answered quietly...Eowyn stared at him and at first she did not know of what he spoke, but after some moments of consideration she understood and said: "Yes, I dreamt and it wasn´t a good dream at all: We were in the House of Healing, you and me, nearly recovered from our injuries. We sat together in the garden, when Aragorn came to see how we were faring. He was quite content with us, although your condition in particular still gave him cause for concern. He left the garden to go back into the house, when suddenly your face turned pale, you lost consciousness, and stopped breathing. I was so scared and shouted loudly..."

"...no, Aragorn, don´t go!" Faramir finished with tears in his eyes. He kissed her gently and held her tightly. "I´m so sorry, my love," he said.


End file.
